8.18.2008
Approval from "Him"?...I think not
Although I have been quite surprisingly upbeat of late, tonight I am frustrated and might I say, hopeless. Maybe not entirely hopeless; but I have lost some of the hope that I have accrued over these past weeks. I still want to be accepted and I still very much want to be assured. I was quite proud of a recent accomplishment. I showed it to "him", seeking his approval. I just wanted my work to be good enough....for once. I didn't quite get the reaction I had hoped for. He never mentioned anything about the quality of my work and point out any seemingly good thing. I did seek his input, yes--but all his input seemingly consisted of was just criticism. "I would have done this. I would have said it this way...etc." I went out to show him my work with a beaming face, a lilt in my voice, and a jump in my step. I returned with a sullen face, dragging feet, and a heavy heart. I was so proud of my work and he couldn't say one good ting about it. And, if anything, I wanted his approval most of all--and didn't get it. But, I guess there comes a pint in which I must step out and do things for myself and not to seek the approval of others--because others will let me down. Therefore, I will not alter my work to please him; I will keep my work the way it is because it pleases me. It is a little piece of me(which makes it all the harder when being rejected). Thus, all I am worried about pleasing is myself. And today, I made myself proud.
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4 comments:
The danger in wanting approval from others is that they may not give it or if they do, they can take it away. You're without your own power when you expect others to make you feel good.
But,you're seeing at a very young age the trap of wanting approval which takes away your own good thinking. Your successes and mistakes are only for you...to learn more about who you are. Listening too much to other people can take you off your path and onto theirs. Sometimes that detour can get you lost...with your life.
Oh, to have learned that most important lesson when I was your age.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It's kinda taken awhile for me to realize that seeking approval(or being a "people pleaser") is bad. I just hope I don't forget this lesson..
I don't think it's bad or wrong for you are always doing the best you know how or else you'd be doing something else. Learning about your feelings helps you know yourself so you can make better and better choices.
Plus, if you judge yourself for being a certain way, then you have two things to do---learning how you feel and learning not to judge yourself for how you feel.
It gets easier if you listen to yourself.
I totally agree with you..
Thanks for the encouraging words. I won't forget them. I really do appreciate it.
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